I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
