I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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