i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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