hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
