It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
