just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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