I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
