I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
