I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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