non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
only you would photoshop your dick
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
