Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
