it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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