at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
