i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she told me i tasted like america
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
