just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
