im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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