You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
