Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize