the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.