All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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