i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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