Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
