I just cut my nipple shaving
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
