I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
