so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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