My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they're like a gay fantastic four
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
