it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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