also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
