we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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