Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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