Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
