she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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