Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
