hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
