this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
