What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
