all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Actions speak louder than pants.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
