I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
