And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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