Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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