Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
