first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
3 2 1 whiskey
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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