Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who died my cat blue again?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
