That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
