:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
