sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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