the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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