i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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