A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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