I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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