...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
