Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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