bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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