mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
