Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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