I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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