You're completely useless in the revolution.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
