So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
