You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As shirtless as possible
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
