Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dicks are not precious.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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