i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
