My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
