Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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