the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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