He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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