I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can't just leave with hair like that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
