I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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