Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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