I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
