ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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