my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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