Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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