Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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