Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
