I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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