He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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